Thursday, March 17, 2011

Dr. Henry Cloud on Necessary Endings ... confident hope

by Dale Shumaker
4spirit@gmail.com


Recently I had the privilege of having a phone conversation with Dr. Henry Cloud about
his book Necessary Endings. My interest was to learn more on how the small business entrepreneur can benefit from Necessary Endings to increase performance while adapting to life as it shifts around us.

Dr. Cloud said he was finding that in his dealings with people that life is a series of endings.
Handling them well can create quantum leaps in our lives.

First I asked how the desperately hopeless person such as the homeless can overcome hopelessness. He said Necessary Endings wasn't written necessarily for the homeless. This is an area that needs addressed differently. But he did share a few insights about this.

Those who never choose to face challenges of life(such as the seriously depressed homeless) live in a learned hopelessness.
They need a software rewrite (thinking systems) in their brain so the hardware (living patterns) functions productively. They begin to think in predictable ways. Their minds are in a closed system. Without strong positive outside sources influencing them, they remain predictable in their thought/life patterns.

The person who is performance based responds to hopelessness in more life transforming ways.
Here a person may leave the rut of his life. Hopelessness becomes a necessary change ally. It forces the person to see the reality of his situation and it forces change... which is needed and will lead the person to what's better. He then adopts thinking and behavior that moves him to greater accomplishment in other areas.

I asked him what parts of Necessary Endings would he recommend to the small biz entrepreneur. His first suggestion was the section on seasons. We need to learn that life has seasons. This is especially true in the business world. Sometimes we may be a little late to the game. Determine where this is in your life cycle.

In all things we encounter, there is place to hope and a place for not having hope. We need to see the realities around us and respond hopefully where hope is warranted. He also suggested the chapter on Hope vs. Wishing. (I will summarize this chapter below.) We need to get in a mindset of a larger narrative. Successful people look at things with a larger narrative. For example, a football quarterback doesn't lose a game because of one interception. A setback may come in the game, but in the view of the whole game this is just one setback. Some have come out of bankruptcy and started much better, being more timely, with a better designed company that then will flourish tremendously. Failure is part of business. It's rare not to have failures in business. Dr. Cloud encourages us not to waste this experience. Learn from it. Do a postmortem, do an autopsy. Find out what went wrong. What can we do better? Look at the big picture. Learn more about yourself and your choice of the people around you, and the reasons behind what happened.

In concluding our phone visit, I asked where Spirituality fit into our business lives.
Dr. Cloud answered by pointing out it's not so much Spirituality fitting into us, but us fitting into It, aligning ourselves with It, the nature of the universe. There are transcending principles that govern everything. When we are misaligned with these principles, it wouldn't work. When we are aligned with a God relationship, we're in a line of principles that make things work. It includes trust, seeing reality clearly, treating people right, forgiving others. We metabolize faster (or energize productivity) when we are aligned with Spiritual design. It works better.

Necessary Endings was originally summarized January 24, 2011. Here's an overview of the chapters Dr. Cloud suggested would be a good review for the business entrepreneur. Also note Dr. Cloud's website:
http://www.drcloud.com/

In the chapter Hoping versus Wishing
, Dr. Cloud pointed out the difference between
what's worth fixing and what should end. The past is a good predictor of the future. People have patterns and behavior responses to the past that may repeat again in the future. We need reasons to believe. Nine factors can help determine if you can have hope, that tomorrow will be different from today. Business entrepreneurs who desire different results would benefit when they subject themselves to this process.
1. Verifiable involvement in a person to get involved in a change process.

Is a person willing to undertake actions to improve the future?

2. Additional structure.

Creating a structured path with regular meetings including coaching, support, training.

3. Monitoring systems.

How do we know this is happening... is it being watched and measured?

4. New experience and skills.

Getting new information with new experiences that teach what is needed in order
to make the future different.
5. Self-sustaining motivation.

Being on fire to change. Are meetings being attended, material being read and
others are being included in discovery ways to change the future.
6. Admission of need.

We must really feel a need to change and seek out valued help.
7. The presence of support.

Being surrounded by people who support our desire for a better future, including
professional support along with friends, peers.
8. Skilled help.
Someone in our circle of help who knows what's going on.

9.Some success.

Movement is good. To be able to ascertain that something is happening, even if

initially things get worse.
Create a structure that includes the right amount of energy at the right time.

Create urgency to stay motivated and stay energized for change.

This includes
:
1. Creating ending alliances. Those we hang around affect us... those
who have hope for a future and are committed to see it happen.
2. Create vision. We create what we see, so keep the picture of a good future in your mind.
3. Set deadlines. Living by a sense of urgency requires deadlines along the way
to keep getting things done. Without them we lose momentum and motivation.
4. Create structure. Structure is time, plans, critical paths, milestones, deadlines,
allocation of resources. Without structure the non-vital takes over. Structure places the rails in place that the train runs on.

What we do everyday will make what we want more likely to happen. We also need
the people doing the same thing around, to see that it happens.

Stay close to misery. Realizing our misery is also a motivator as it keeps us moving
away from it. Creating urgency around necessary endings is key to what happens to your time and energy.

Dr. Henry Cloud is highly respected. Necessary Endings is a necessary reliable resource to have around.

As Believers our Hope is heightened through Jesus who so powerfully works through us.
And our strength is enhanced by His might and the relationship we have with other Believers.

As the Apostle Paul said in Romans 15.
"...that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." We confidently hold on to this hope which gives us the real hope for our future.

Jeremiah said that our hope for a future rests in God's great plans for us.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
(Jeremiah 29:11, NLT)

His path leads us on the path to a bright future.


It's important to note that when we stay in His structure and we are diligent to obey the
principles of His Laws, we are guaranteed wonderful results. “Therefore, be careful to obey every command I am giving you today, so you may have strength to go in and take over the land you are about to enter. If you obey, you will enjoy a long life in the land the Lord swore to give to you... a land flowing with milk and honey.!"
(Deuteronomy 11:8,9, NLT)

The promise for obeying is a future overflowing with wonderful things.

And Paul said that His Spirit works so powerfully through Him. "...through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." Read all of Ephesians 3 as Paul keeps emphasizing God's power at work and the Confident Hope it brings us.

What an awestruck promise to have God's very Spirit living in us. We live with confidence in hope as His Power works through us. His plans are revealed to us and He sees that they come about as we stay diligent in doing as He says.

1 comment:

Moonlight Revue/Becky Ramsey said...

Good review. I want to read the book. Sounds like good, and even new, information for us.