by Dale Shumaker
4spirit@gmail.com
The Art of Talking to Anyone by Rosalie Maggio has good advice on conversational people skills for any situation. The book covers general conversation principles plus how to talk to anyone in the workplace, meetings and conferences, business-social events, public places, the telephone, in times of trouble, family and friends and romantic encounters.
To succeed in any conversation, start to finish:
Decide you want to go to an event/place and be convinced of the reasons for doing it. Have something to say.
Take your best self with you.
People will catch and mirror your emotional states. Remember people tend to behave as you expect them.
Check out your body language.
Your posture... stand up straight, sit up straight. Avoid blushing, facial contractions, fiddling, crossing arms, clearing throat a lot and blinking too much.
Smile frequently to meaningful comments. A good smile works miracles used well.
When introducing someone to someone else, add how you know them. "We worked on a project together." "He's my neighbor and makes the best home made pizza."
Shaking someone's hand will give the person the first impression of you. So work on a good handshake. Be the first to reach out your hand to shake the other persons. Avoid the finger grabbing handshake, and reach back to the web between the thumb and index finger. Be firm, hold for a second and look directing into the person's eyes.
Basic conversational principles.
1. The goal of the first few seconds of someone you don't know is to find a few things out about the other person, tell a few things about yourself, find some common ground between you. When you find common ground build on it.
2. A conversation should be back and forth. Not short quips like a tennis match, but more like golf. One hits the ball and the other comments on it, and back to the other person.
3. Vary the contributions to the conversation. Make a statement, ask a question, offer a piece of information about yourself, ask something(not too personal) about the other person. Use this as a pattern to go over and over again, and you will see a nice conversational flow.
4. A frequent way to start is to ask about a person's work, or if not special activities they are part of. Set the tone by sharing some things about yourself, they can then match it to their own life.
5. Use the "you" word more than "I". "How did you get into this type work?" And with other people as part of the conversation, bring the other person in too by asking them a similar question. Try to be a moderator when more than one is in the conversation and bring someone into it who may not speak as much.
6. When someone brings up a subject you don't know much about, it is a good time to get them to share more or elaborate. "Honestly, I don't know much about gardening, tell me more about what goes into it." Most people love to explain what they do and love doing. So it's a great time to let them tell you the intricacies about it.
7. Use details, precise descriptions, colorful nouns when explaining something. For example instead of just saying I'm a chef, go on to say for whom, and what you are good at preparing, and why you like it. Think about details of what you do and analogies you can use so others understand it.
8. Try to establish a feeling you are on the same wavelength. It's finding that common ground and building on that.
9. Pick up the other person's rhythm of speech and speak in the same way and style.
10. Match posture and mannerisms the other person uses.
Use touch to connect stronger.
A handshake with a hand tapping the shoulder as you release a handshake. Touching the side of the arm as you speak. Tap on the shoulder as you depart. Or in some cases a squeeze on the upper forearm to show appreciation.
Ending the conversation
Always express appreciation for the time to talk, and make a reference to something said.
Listening
This is the most important part on your part.
Listening is showing you are interested by being attentive, nodding or saying "ah-hah" occasionally. Keeping good eye contact, but not a fixed stare. Model the other person... smiling, frowning, laughing when they do. Repeat back to them what they said in your own words so they can clarify it, if it is not what you wanted them to hear.
Keep the conversation moving with conversation fillers... phrases such as "and then what, oh, no kidding, how did that go, who, how does that work..." It shows you are listening and encouraging more. Ask probing, expanding, clarification questions.
Asking good questions are important in a conversation. Bad questions are judgmental, or aggressive, intrusive, numerous, too broad, why, or something too personal. Good questions relate to what the other person just said, help you find the all important common ground, move the conversation along, lead to more detailed answers, are sensitive and neutral and concrete. When a person asks a bad question, divert to a question that a lot ask you that you want to answer, or have another story in your belt to tell them. "First, let me share a story with you."
Rosalie Maggio continues on in her book to give guidance on telling jokes, dealing with conversation predicaments, being an unpopular conversationalist; and she explains the specifics of conversing in the workplace, meetings and conferences, business social events, public places, telephone, friends and romance.
More from Rosalie at
To succeed in any conversation, start to finish:
Decide you want to go to an event/place and be convinced of the reasons for doing it. Have something to say.
Take your best self with you.
People will catch and mirror your emotional states. Remember people tend to behave as you expect them.
Check out your body language.
Your posture... stand up straight, sit up straight. Avoid blushing, facial contractions, fiddling, crossing arms, clearing throat a lot and blinking too much.
Smile frequently to meaningful comments. A good smile works miracles used well.
When introducing someone to someone else, add how you know them. "We worked on a project together." "He's my neighbor and makes the best home made pizza."
Shaking someone's hand will give the person the first impression of you. So work on a good handshake. Be the first to reach out your hand to shake the other persons. Avoid the finger grabbing handshake, and reach back to the web between the thumb and index finger. Be firm, hold for a second and look directing into the person's eyes.
Basic conversational principles.
1. The goal of the first few seconds of someone you don't know is to find a few things out about the other person, tell a few things about yourself, find some common ground between you. When you find common ground build on it.
2. A conversation should be back and forth. Not short quips like a tennis match, but more like golf. One hits the ball and the other comments on it, and back to the other person.
3. Vary the contributions to the conversation. Make a statement, ask a question, offer a piece of information about yourself, ask something(not too personal) about the other person. Use this as a pattern to go over and over again, and you will see a nice conversational flow.
4. A frequent way to start is to ask about a person's work, or if not special activities they are part of. Set the tone by sharing some things about yourself, they can then match it to their own life.
5. Use the "you" word more than "I". "How did you get into this type work?" And with other people as part of the conversation, bring the other person in too by asking them a similar question. Try to be a moderator when more than one is in the conversation and bring someone into it who may not speak as much.
6. When someone brings up a subject you don't know much about, it is a good time to get them to share more or elaborate. "Honestly, I don't know much about gardening, tell me more about what goes into it." Most people love to explain what they do and love doing. So it's a great time to let them tell you the intricacies about it.
7. Use details, precise descriptions, colorful nouns when explaining something. For example instead of just saying I'm a chef, go on to say for whom, and what you are good at preparing, and why you like it. Think about details of what you do and analogies you can use so others understand it.
8. Try to establish a feeling you are on the same wavelength. It's finding that common ground and building on that.
9. Pick up the other person's rhythm of speech and speak in the same way and style.
10. Match posture and mannerisms the other person uses.
Use touch to connect stronger.
A handshake with a hand tapping the shoulder as you release a handshake. Touching the side of the arm as you speak. Tap on the shoulder as you depart. Or in some cases a squeeze on the upper forearm to show appreciation.
Ending the conversation
Always express appreciation for the time to talk, and make a reference to something said.
Listening
This is the most important part on your part.
Listening is showing you are interested by being attentive, nodding or saying "ah-hah" occasionally. Keeping good eye contact, but not a fixed stare. Model the other person... smiling, frowning, laughing when they do. Repeat back to them what they said in your own words so they can clarify it, if it is not what you wanted them to hear.
Keep the conversation moving with conversation fillers... phrases such as "and then what, oh, no kidding, how did that go, who, how does that work..." It shows you are listening and encouraging more. Ask probing, expanding, clarification questions.
Asking good questions are important in a conversation. Bad questions are judgmental, or aggressive, intrusive, numerous, too broad, why, or something too personal. Good questions relate to what the other person just said, help you find the all important common ground, move the conversation along, lead to more detailed answers, are sensitive and neutral and concrete. When a person asks a bad question, divert to a question that a lot ask you that you want to answer, or have another story in your belt to tell them. "First, let me share a story with you."
Rosalie Maggio continues on in her book to give guidance on telling jokes, dealing with conversation predicaments, being an unpopular conversationalist; and she explains the specifics of conversing in the workplace, meetings and conferences, business social events, public places, telephone, friends and romance.
More from Rosalie at
http://www.rosaliemaggio.com/
How to have a conversation with God. Prayer is actually a conversation with God. Rosalind Rinker wrote a book on Conversing with God. It has become a prayer classic It is also posted free online at
How to have a conversation with God. Prayer is actually a conversation with God. Rosalind Rinker wrote a book on Conversing with God. It has become a prayer classic It is also posted free online at
http://www.ccel.us/prayer.toc.
She has an excellent easy-to-do outline on making a person's devotional life very rewarding in being in God's Spirit. Here's her method.
She has an excellent easy-to-do outline on making a person's devotional life very rewarding in being in God's Spirit. Here's her method.
There are several practical points which may help you to make this practice of secret prayer part of your daily life.
1. Have a definite place to pray alone. Every time you pass that place, whether it is by a chair, or your bedside, an unused room, a little closet, your desk or your car, you will be reminded that both physical and spiritual refreshment await you there.
2. Anticipate meeting One who loves you in a personal intimate way. Before you arrive at this special place, let your mind constantly say, "I am going to meet Him, I am going to be consciously aware of Him." After you are there, say: "Here in this quiet place, He can show me Himself. I am His. I can put aside all else and worship You, my Lord, and my God."
3. Let your prayers be semi-audible. You are speaking to a Person, and hearing your own voice will keep your thoughts centered on Him, although sometimes there will be only deep unspoken torrents of love and adoration welling up from within.
4. Use a daily devotional book, and use some kind of study book to give you needed direction in your daily Bible reading. Have a modern translation study Bible close by for reference. (Note: the internet has several Bible Translation websites online. This are free, including the whole Bible.)
We need to learn the art of conversation. We need to learn to pray in His Presence, and to let Him speak with us, to be in tune with Him until we are willing to hear what He has to say to us. For more on prayer visit the Facebook, Biz Prayer Network.
1. Have a definite place to pray alone. Every time you pass that place, whether it is by a chair, or your bedside, an unused room, a little closet, your desk or your car, you will be reminded that both physical and spiritual refreshment await you there.
2. Anticipate meeting One who loves you in a personal intimate way. Before you arrive at this special place, let your mind constantly say, "I am going to meet Him, I am going to be consciously aware of Him." After you are there, say: "Here in this quiet place, He can show me Himself. I am His. I can put aside all else and worship You, my Lord, and my God."
3. Let your prayers be semi-audible. You are speaking to a Person, and hearing your own voice will keep your thoughts centered on Him, although sometimes there will be only deep unspoken torrents of love and adoration welling up from within.
4. Use a daily devotional book, and use some kind of study book to give you needed direction in your daily Bible reading. Have a modern translation study Bible close by for reference. (Note: the internet has several Bible Translation websites online. This are free, including the whole Bible.)
We need to learn the art of conversation. We need to learn to pray in His Presence, and to let Him speak with us, to be in tune with Him until we are willing to hear what He has to say to us. For more on prayer visit the Facebook, Biz Prayer Network.
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